Lesbian bars are disappearing at an accelerated rate.
It’s important that we acknowledge and remember those that have gone, and celebrate those few lesbian bars that still exist.
Following the recent list of funniest gay bar names, this list pulls together the best named lesbian bars from around the world.
And the same apology that I gave in that article also applies here…
Compiling this list has exposed how… well… puerile my sense of humour is…
If that’s not your thing then this list isn’t going to be for you.
But, if you love the lewd and the ludicrous then strap yourself in for some giggle-worthy names!
And, yes, these were all genuine, real-life places.
And, no, I don’t know how some of them got away with it either!
The Closet
Chicago, Illinois, USA
After coming out most of us want to spend less time in the closet.
But, if you are a Chicagoan lesbian then you may spend even more time in The Closet, named for its tiny size.
Sappho’s
Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Is the name a little on the nose?
Yes, sure.
Does anyone care?
Naw!
Honesty in advertising is everything, and this bar in Baltimore, USA knew how to get the attention of its desired customers.
Puss n Boots
Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
Again, we’re not really going for subtly here.
We’re looking for a name that will instantly pique the interest of passing lesbians, and what better way than naming your bar after the colloquial term for vagina?
Clit Club
New York City, New York, USA
It’s got everything you could ever want.
Alliteration, anatomy, admirers.
Starting in 1990, this club night billed itself as ‘a roving home for dykes, sex workers, and unflappable misfits.’
Butch Gardens
Los Angeles, California, USA
A play on Busch Gardens, a nearby theme park at the time of opening, this bar is historically significant as one of the first places that LA’s politicians visited in order to court the queer vote.
Sue Ellen’s
Dallas, Texas, USA
Stay with me on this one – I promise the title is funny when you hear the full story.
There’s a cult soap opera from the 80s called Dallas, which is about a rich and dysfunctional family based in… well, Dallas, Texas.
Two of the main characters in the series are a straight couple, J.R. and Sue Ellen.
And Dallas (the city, not the TV series) boasts two bars named after these characters – J.R.’s, a gay male bar, is around the corner from the lesbian bar Sue Ellen’s.
Le So What
Paris, France
Always so much cooler than the rest of us, the French even have a detached nonchalance when it comes to naming their lesbian bars.
Lick Club
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Ok, ok, I’ve tried to keep the smutty names to a minimum. But, this one is just too good to pass on!
Gossip Grill
San Diego, California, USA
This bar’s name has no significance to the lesbian community, but it is a funny play on the name of teen soap opera ‘Gossip Girl’ (which finally added a lesbian character in its 2021 reboot).
Candy Bar
London, United Kingdom
Famous enough to get its own related reality show (see below), the playful double meaning of this bar’s name wasn’t enough to keep the customers coming and it unfortunately closed in 2013.
Billie Jean’s
Kansas City, Missouri, USA
Named after none other than OG dyke-on Billie Jean King, this bar in Kansas City unfortunately closed in the 1980s.
P.S. No word on whether the bar was tennis themed.
Ain’t Nobody’s Bizness
Tuscon, Arizona, USA
Dubious spelling aside, this bar has one of the coolest names for any type of queer venue.
Being based in a strip mall, though, makes you wonder just how discreet a place it was?
Did I miss any funny lesbian bar names?
Got a lesbian bar in your town with a funny name? Why not get in touch and let me know all about it?
