fbpx

“As A Sort Of Lonely, Insecure, Gay Boy” (with Dave Quantic from Fruitbowl Podcast)

dave quantic

Listen & Subscribe for Free:  Apple Podcasts  |  SpotifyGoogle PodcastsEverywhere Else

I got an e-mail from this week’s guest saying that he’d like to be on the show. He pitched himself with something along the lines of ‘I know you like talking about sex, so I think you’ll be really interested in my stories!’. After feeling very judged and a smidgen shamed I responded immediately to book him!

And, so that is how Dave Quantic came on to tell me all about lost LA spaces Spike and Cuffs.

And he knows what he’s talking about when it comes to sex and sexuality! Dave is the creator of Fruitbowl – an oral history podcast about queer sex and lives where he talks to people about their personal journeys.

We chat all about the magic of a scuzzy dive bar, the pains of removing body hair, and Dave tries to help me figure out what my kink should be….

Dave Quantic  00:00

I thought, what’s the worst that could happen? And then the worst did happen. It was almost like a self fulfilling prophecy in a way.

K Anderson  00:10

Hello, I am K Anderson and you are listening to lost spaces, the podcast that mourns the death of queer nightlife. Every episode I talk to a different person about a venue from their past, the memories that they created there and the people that they used to know. Now, I got an email from this week’s guest, saying that he would like to be on the show. And the way he pitched himself to me was, I know that you like talking about sex. So I think you’ll be really interested in my stories. And let me tell you, I felt very judged, and a smidgen shamed but also, yes, yes, I am very interested in hearing your stories. And so that is how Dave Quantic came on to tell me all about the LA lost spaces spike and cuffs. And when it comes to sex, he knows what he is talking about. Believe you me, Dave is the creator of fruit bowl, an oral history podcast about queer sex and sexuality, where every episode he talks to a different person about their journey and their experiences with their queerness. We chat all about the magic of a scuzzy dive bar, the pains of removing body hair in order to try and fit in. And Dave helps me to try and figure out what my kink should be. I’m still not quite there, but I think I’ve got some options.

Dave Quantic  02:14

I moved there for film school in 1999. I went to UCLA masters Film School MFA. And I left in 2016 1999.

K Anderson  02:25

Yeah, what a magical year. Because every time I say anything, I sound like I’m being sarcastic. I’m not being sarcastic. Like it was a magical year.

Dave Quantic  02:38

It was I mean, it changed my life. I moved. I was living in New York City at the beginning of the year, and I was living in LA at the end of the year. Wow. I moved from New York to LA by driving cross country and staying at my parents house in the summer in Wichita, Kansas. It was a year of transformation.

K Anderson  03:01

And what like, other than the obvious going to UCLA, why did you want to move to LA?

Dave Quantic  03:08

I wanted to become a filmmaker. And that’s that’s where people make films.

K Anderson  03:14

And can you tell me a little bit about how before you got there, how were you imagining la would be?

Dave Quantic  03:22

Hmm, that’s such a cool question, because LA definitely has a place in my childhoods fantasy. Growing up in Kansas, which is definitely not California. There was always this mythology

K Anderson  03:39

side note, whenever anyone meets you, do they expect you to know who Dorothy Gale is and be best friends with?

Dave Quantic  03:45

Yes, there’s always always come up.

K Anderson  03:47

Yeah. Okay, sorry. Sorry. Back Back to what you were saying.

Dave Quantic  03:51

I love Wizard of Oz. By the way, I’m a gay man. So

K Anderson  03:54

I have I mean, it’s a bit of a cliche, right.

Dave Quantic  03:57

It is. But but the Kansas is very proud of their Wizard of Oz. Re

K Anderson  04:03

school uniform, ruby slippers. And again,

Dave Quantic  04:07

I wish that would be amazing. That would have been amazing. I’ve never done Dorothy drag. I should now that I think about it.

K Anderson  04:15

Okay, well, as soon as we get off this call, I’m gonna expect you to go out and get a costume and send me a photo. Yeah, it’s about anyway, sorry. We were talking about your imagination and what la meant to you.

Dave Quantic  04:31

Yeah, so growing up as a little gay boy in Kansas. I was, you know, forced fed the sort of mythology of California and Los Angeles through different TV shows like chips. And what is chips? Chips is a cup. Yes, chips is a cheesy cop show from the 80s with this very hot male, you know? Police partnership. One is a very hot Latino guy. And the other is sort of like golden boy, California dude. And they go around solving, you know, mysteries and on their motorcycles just, you know, in full police regalia. It’s very uniform oriented. I do have a uniform that I’m openly admitting to my uniform fetish.

K Anderson  05:27

And this is where it was born.

Dave Quantic  05:31

What other Melrose Place? 9021? No,

K Anderson  05:36

Saved by the bell,

Dave Quantic  05:37

I wasn’t much a Saved by the Bell fan. Um, what were the other? Well, there was this fashion company in the 80s, called Ocean Pacific. And they had a lot of print t shirts that sort of had a lot of iconography of California with palm trees and setting suns, and mountain ranges and surfer boys. There was that whole kind of surf culture that I was obsessed with and wanted so much to just be on the beach. Which is ironic, because when I finally did move to LA, I think in the 17 years, I lived there, I went to the beach maybe many times. I’m not much a beach person, I discovered. But um, yeah, so definitely, California and La had a sort of mythology about it, that I wanted very much to be a part of,

K Anderson  06:28

and then so getting there and being there in the first few months, did it live up to the hype?

Dave Quantic  06:35

It did? I mean, oh, good. Yeah. You know, I just, I just lived in New York, where people are a little bit more bundled up, you know, there’s, there’s, there’s, it’s cold, but also in New York, there’s sort of this black uniform, people where there’s this sort of, like, anti fashion, in a sense that you’re sort of meant to be sort of very chic, and low profile. Whereas in LA was, everything was just all out for everyone to see all the time. And people had their clothes off. And some of the most, the most gorgeous people in the world all move there. So it’s, of course, very intimidating. You know, it’s just, it’s just, it’s it’s a feast for the eyes and the senses and the way it smells and, and the weather, of course, is amazing. It’s it’s a magical place. Well, I mean, I do miss it, who’s

K Anderson  07:29

gonna be my follow up is boys about this feeling intimidated? Like, if I’m around a bunch of beautiful people, I’m like, Well, fuck, I may as well not exist.

Dave Quantic  07:37

It is intimidating. I agree. I had a lot of insecurities about my body. This was in the days before bears were like, a thing. Before people started to really embrace sort of alternate body types. I mean, I was I lived there, people started to really sort of loosen up with regards to different body types and celebrating body hair. And, you know, bulkiness so it was kind of interesting. I started, I saw the culture change even while I was living there.

K Anderson  08:13

So we’re just going off on a side note, do you identify as a bear?

Dave Quantic  08:18

You know, by default? I I like bears and people think I am a bear. So I guess I am a bear.

K Anderson  08:25

Bear doesn’t Does that mean you’re a bear?

Dave Quantic  08:29

I mean, in the same way that like, I think somebody who’s traditionally beautiful. Whether or not they want to be objectified because of that they didn’t they don’t really have a say in it, you know?

K Anderson  08:43

But yeah, I don’t know. You could reject that. That label and be no actually I’m a porcupine.

Dave Quantic  08:49

Yeah, I don’t know. I I don’t feel a lot of necessity in that I embrace it. I think it’s fine. I think it’s kind of

K Anderson  08:57

cute. A bad necessity.

Dave Quantic  09:00

Yes, exactly.

K Anderson  09:04

Yeah, the whole thing is

Dave Quantic  09:06

interesting. I mean, who doesn’t like bears? Bears are cute.

K Anderson  09:09

Yeah, absolutely. I think that bear culture is exciting. But it’s an it’s the kind of thing that like, you also don’t want to be told you’re something.

Dave Quantic  09:18

Sure. And also, like, I’ll admit to being a little bit exhausted when people take the whole thing a little too seriously. You know, like

K Anderson  09:27

when they growl at you? Yeah. Or Or like nice steal your picnic basket.

Dave Quantic  09:33

Or if like, they’re all in with the whole tattoo thing. I don’t know sometimes people can go Alou.

K Anderson  09:43

What do you mean? Like, like when they get when they get the paw?

Dave Quantic  09:47

Or they actually have like Bear paw tattoos. I’m just like, you know, pump the brakes a little. It’s not, you know,

K Anderson  09:55

and also do you need your own flag?

Dave Quantic  09:58

I really don’t. care. Oh, my God, the whole, the whole conversation around flags is exhausting.

K Anderson  10:06

I just I just wish we got an update every time there was a new one. And God bears. Oh, so this, this is something that you don’t have to comment on. I just need to say it because I’ve been thinking recently and I haven’t had anyone to talk to about it. But you know when you get to a certain age, and suddenly you’re too old to go to certain clubs. What I’ve noticed is that most gay men just disappear except for the bears who continue to go out and have their own nights. That is so true that oh, the guy man just did like a rough the map or at home.

Dave Quantic  10:42

The bears love a good beer blast.

K Anderson  10:45

It’s so weird. Let me ask you. Why isn’t there like a twunk scene? Or

Dave Quantic  10:50

there’s not a lot of older twunks. That.

K Anderson  10:54

Twunks. Yeah. Where are they?

Dave Quantic  10:57

That’s a really good point. I don’t know.

K Anderson  10:59

Yeah, yeah. Okay. As I said, you don’t have to have an opinion.

Dave Quantic  11:03

I mean, I’m personally looking forward to going out. I love going out. That’s why I love your podcast is because I like to hear about what people do when they go out. And they have a good time days

K Anderson  11:12

of yore. Um, so Bears Bears, Bears Bears. But that’s not what we were talking. We were talking about LA. We were talking about coming to LA. And so at this point in 1999. Who were you? Were you out? Where? Yes. Flaming. Where are you practising?

Dave Quantic  11:38

I came out when I was 18. My first year of undergraduate school and I never went back in. I’ve been out for 30 years now. I’m 48. So wait, 30? Yeah, 30 years. And I was very much recruited for the UCLA Film programme because I was queer.

K Anderson  11:57

You’re gonna say you were recruited by the gays? No. So you were recruited? Because how come

Dave Quantic  12:03

UCLA is very committed to diversity and giving minority groups the education and the empowerment of film in in telling their stories. And when I interviewed for them, I was very much about Yeah, I want to come and I want to make queer film. Queer Film at the time was having a huge renaissance in the late 90s. It was a very, very exciting time. Todd Haynes,

K Anderson  12:31

Gregg Araki

K Anderson  12:35

I think Jones,

Dave Quantic  12:40

Todd Solondz. I mean, exactly. I actually saw him in New York when I lived there. He’s wonderful, you know, so I mean, Todd Haynes was my main hero, and he is my remains my hero to this day. I think He’s extraordinary. And he made me want to be a filmmaker. So I came in to the programme ready to talk about queer stories. And I definitely did that. I’ve done that for now for for the bulk of my film career. I’ve always made queer film.

K Anderson  13:12

And today we’re here to talk about your stories. Yeah, no, it’s exciting. So where should we start? Should we start at Spike? Or should we start start at Cuffs?

Dave Quantic  13:20

Let’s start at Spike because it’s a little darker story. And it happened earlier in my attendance in LA gay bars.

K Anderson  13:30

So let’s let’s position ourselves. Yeah. What year are we more like, what period? Are we around this after you’ve just moved to LA? Is it later on?

Dave Quantic  13:38

It’s a few years after I’ve moved there in the early aughts, you know, 2002 2,003k, two

K Anderson  13:46

years, vintage years.

Dave Quantic  13:49

Still feels like yesterday. Oh, god. Yeah. And at the time, I was a bit adrift, when it came to dating and sort of finding a queer support network. I hadn’t yet really found that that group, I had an amazing friend group at film school, but still hadn’t yet found my sort of queer network.

K Anderson  14:17

And what was your feeling about that?

Dave Quantic  14:21

I was I was very lonely. I wanted very much to be in a relationship. I thought, that’s something I needed to do. And, yeah,

K Anderson  14:33

so it was less about having a circle of friends and more about the validation of being in a relationship.

Dave Quantic  14:40

I think it was a little of both. I just needed more queer people around me and I was super. I mean, sometimes I say that I didn’t actually start living in LA until I graduated from film school because the programme was so immersive and it was so stressful and I needed so much to blow off steam while I was in it, and I didn’t have many outlets to do that with it was pretty much filmmaking all the time, I could have just lived at home school and just been okay with that, because all I did was drive to school, and then drive home sleep and then drive back to school, it was very, very intensive programme.

K Anderson  15:21

How did you stay inspired?

Dave Quantic  15:23

Well, I mean, I loved all of my classes and and making film, it was what I’d always wanted to do. But I think it came at a cost of, of not really developing a network of or friends outside of the programme. So

K Anderson  15:39

and when you said that you were you wanted to make queer films, you were recruited on that basis? Or was that not giving you the exposure to queer people?

Dave Quantic  15:50

It was, but not in the way that I wanted it to. I actually no thinking back, like, I started to meet the people who became my queer network around that time, but at the time, we were just sort of casual friends, or we were sort of starting to figure out what our relationship would be to each other. You know, you know, that awkward time when you meet queer people are like, okay, am I gonna date you? Or am I gonna be best friends with you? You know?

K Anderson  16:17

Yeah. And sometimes you completely squeeze any possibility out of that relationship, because you’re like, Oh, my God, you’re one of May I need you in my life, and then you scare them away? Yes. Which, you know, it’s obviously not something I’m saying from experience.

Dave Quantic  16:33

But I think as as young queer people, there is a sort of a neediness built in where you’re like, Okay, I need my support network, and I need them now, you know, and you go to great lengths to try to find that

K Anderson  16:47

result. That’s the thing you compartmentalise your sexuality when you’re in school, or when you’re not around people with the understanding for yourself that as soon as you get out of school, you’re going to have the opportunity, you’re going to do it. And they don’t when it doesn’t materialise. Immediately you’re like, Oh, well, this sucks.

Dave Quantic  17:07

Mm hmm. So I was very lonely, in a lot of ways back then. And I was living alone in my own apartment. So that didn’t help. I didn’t have a roommate at the time.

K Anderson  17:17

That sounds amazing.

Dave Quantic  17:20

Well, I’m just kind of like giving a context. I’m glad you asked sort of what the background was, because it definitely does play into the tale that I’m going to spin. So maybe I should just tell you what happened. Yeah, let’s go. So I was living in Beverly wood at the time, which is more towards the centre of LA, it’s not on the east side, or the west side near the ocean, it’s sort of in the middle. And so it was really easy for me to sort of access West Hollywood, which if you don’t know, West, Hollywood in LA, is sort of like the tourist trap. It’s like, everyone’s idea of what la gay life is going to be. In that it has like a lot of clubs, but big clubs, the abbey rage, Mickey’s, those were the big three at the time. And that’s where you went to party. And so it was pretty easy for me to get there. And also around that same area were after hours clubs, where you would go after those big clubs closed down at two. And the spike was definitely more of an after hours place where you would go if you didn’t want the night to end. But yeah, the spike was the definition of a dive bar. And I’m not sure if you know what I mean, when I say dive bar.

K Anderson  18:43

I think people say this term a lot. And I’ve just kind of been like, oh, yeah, okay, I get it. And I think it’s like rundown very no frills, very craptastic.

Dave Quantic  18:54

Yes, definitely. There’s no attention paid to interior decor. It’s all like black walls. Very low lighting. No, like, fancy cocktails to be had no, no theme of any kind except for the occasional like, cut out. Plywood model of a Tom of Finland character, you know, like you always see those and dive bars. Definitely has like a regular crowd with with a bartender that’s been there for decades. Leather, kink friendly, maybe Dyker to, you know, for good measure and sticky carpets, sticky floors. Maybe a drag queen that’s just come off of her, you know, performance at a big club. But kind of the place for people who maybe don’t fit in at the mate more mainstream clubs. Like you don’t have to dress up, you know, jeans or are the regular sort of outfit, which made the spike Much more of my scene because I didn’t have to really kind of adhere to that. The beauty standard because I am hairy man, and I don’t manscape at all.

K Anderson  20:13

Yeah, cuz I mean, who’s got time for that. But there were a lot of people. Wow. Yeah, apparently, I just don’t understand why people would go to an appointment and like, give up their time to get their hair ripped off their body. And

Dave Quantic  20:28

I did that though in the late 90s. Oh, really? Oh, god. Yeah. When I lived in New York, I actually got waxed a few times, it was very painful. And I never wanted to do it again. Was

K Anderson  20:40

it? Painful, good, painful, or painful, bad, painful,

Dave Quantic  20:43

bad, painful?

K Anderson  20:46

Like, I should try it. Never have. I’ve like veeted bits of my body hair and shaved, but I’ve never waxed. I feel like I felt like I should.

Dave Quantic  20:57

Now don’t like, did

K Anderson  20:58

you get your ball sack?

Dave Quantic  21:00

No, no, that’s that was a bridge too far. That would be really interesting. Stay away from that area,

K Anderson  21:07

it was super interesting, their sensation. So tell me about it.

Dave Quantic  21:14

Yeah, you know, there was the kind of I think I wanted it to be a more welcoming place. And it actually was, and when I would go, there would always be after hours after 2am. And I would always be, you know, drunk. Or at least not in my full mental capacity. And the night that I am thinking of to tell you about was one where I started talking to these two guys who were very attractive, and, you know, as a sort of a lonely, insecure, gay boy. But I was like, kind of excited that they brought me into their group. And we were, I think drinking, even though it was after hours, I think spike would sometimes still serve illegally. I think they even let people smoke inside back then. Illegally as well. So it was a very permissive sort of atmosphere, you know, and at one point, they proposed smoking meth. And I took them up on it, like an idiot,

K Anderson  22:24

just in the bar,

Dave Quantic  22:26

in the bar, like with a glass pipe and everything, it could not have been more obvious what we were doing. And you know, I am not a drug user. By nature. It’s something that I do once in a while with friends. But this was definitely a risk that I took. And, and so had you done math before? No. And I haven’t done it since it was a terrible, terrible experience.

K Anderson  22:55

I’m really like, I know, meth is bad. That’s all I know. So what happens is math, math, you have when you’re like going to a sex party? Mm hmm. Okay,

Dave Quantic  23:06

so you kind of know where this story is.

K Anderson  23:09

Okay, but there’s the symptoms. What,

Dave Quantic  23:14

what it does is it like lowers your inhibitions to the level of which you just don’t care about anything. And it really amps up your sensory sort of sexual hunger, okay, you become kind of like, a sex fiend. Or at least I did. You know, and I knew this going into it and thought, well, we’ll just see what happens. And, you know, I literally just took one hit of it. And I was off to the races. It just became this night of debauchery in the most extreme way. With people, I had no idea who they were, I’d never met them before. And by the way, after this night, I never ever saw them again. You know, it was almost like they appeared in a fever dream. And they were just there to sort of allow me to go to the extreme. And it was really scary, in that. We ended up I ended up taking both of them back to my place, and I had sex with one of them, like for hours, not in a fun way, but in a sort of, fevered, urgent way where we were really just trying to get off, but we couldn’t, because that’s another side effect of meth is that you just can’t come. It was a nightmare. Like and we oh, by the way, were completely unprotected. Okay, no, and I was not somebody who ever had unprotected sex. Maybe I’d done it once or twice, and and really gotten freaked out by it. So not only are your inhibitions lowered, but your sense of risk is complete. pletely obliterated when you’re on math, you just don’t care.

K Anderson  25:03

Oh, so that’s really interesting, because I know like, I know, it’s a really big problem in the gay community. And but I also I kind of assumed that it was enjoyable to be having sex on math, but you’re saying that it’s not?

Dave Quantic  25:19

Like, it’s it’s like, I mean, I talk a lot about sex, you know, because I have a podcast about it. And and there is a release that you’re searching for, which is, you know, orgasm. That is really, what the end? Yeah, a goal is. And with math, you can never ever reach it. It’s like heading to a city. You’re really excited about visiting, and you never, ever get there. You’re always on the perimeter.

K Anderson  25:48

But you’re not like, wow, this is an amazing journey.

Dave Quantic  25:51

No, no, because you can’t ever reach your destination. It’s terrible. Ah, that’s interesting. I mean, you realise when you’re when you’re on it that you’re like, Yeah, this is kind of fun. And I am sort of, like, in the state of orgasm. Yeah, like pre orgasm, where you’re sort of extrasensory, but but because you can never come it ends up never really paying off and you, you end up like staying up the entire night. You know, people talk about having mental breaks, because they haven’t slept in days, or whatever, you know, and what happened after I had sex with this guy unprotected. Like, for some reason, we decided to, like, go out driving in his car, and like, I’ll never forget, like, in his convertible, just driving down the street. It was a really nice car. I think this guy had a lot of money. It was sort of like, oh my god, the sun’s up, and it’s the next day and I still am partying. It’s weird. This is weird, you know, there was no end to it. And then comes the emotional crash afterwards, which a lot of other people talk about, which is momentous depression, and sadness, because your brain has like, used up all of its serotonin, serotonin. Yeah. You just, if you’re not prepared for it, you you get really, really dark very fast. And

K Anderson  27:13

the only time and so you went on this drive, and then he dropped you off home? And yes, when you came down,

Dave Quantic  27:20

yes. And then I realised that he and his friend had stolen all of my cash out of my wallet. So like, I’ve been played in the most basic, la way, I felt like such an idiot because I didn’t really see them for what they were. And then one of them had the audacity to call me the next day and like nothing had ever happened and asked me if I wanted to go out again. And I was like, Are you fucking kidding me? Like, do you really think I’m that stupid that I don’t know that you stole money from me? He’s like, No, it was my friend. I swear it was me. When they gave me all these excuses. I’m like, go fuck yourself. Like, I never want to see you again. And I didn’t I never saw those guys ever again.

K Anderson  28:07

So you didn’t think like, oh, yeah, I’m gonna pretend that I’m cool with this and then show up and then shank him?

Dave Quantic  28:13

No. I was just like, over it. But like, the one thing good that came with this was that, I think a few days later, I finally saw it. Mental health resources at like a nonprofit in LA, I went and, and got myself some therapy, and then I ended up being with that same therapist for 15 years. Oh, wow, that’s so like, something good did come of it. And that it sort of brought me to the edge of my sort of limits in terms of how dark I wanted to go. And you know, after that day, I was like, okay, am I just going to become another la tragedy? You know, like, is that really what I want from my LA experience? You know, and it was the answer was no. So in a way it kind of was unnecessary, extreme to force me to want to take another path. And I’m, I’m grateful in that sense that it gave me a moment of clarity.

K Anderson  29:16

Yeah. So can we just circle back to a statement that you made earlier about? You wanted that bar to be more welcoming? No. Was this at the point where you felt like, oh, I don’t have my people. Mm hm. And so were you running towards this situation?

Dave Quantic  29:39

I think so. Yeah. I thought of it as being a moment of community communal experience. I thought, what’s the worst that could happen? And then the worst did happen. It was almost like a self fulfilling prophecy in a way.

K Anderson  29:53

And in those days afterwards, when you were down. What were you thinking about?

Dave Quantic  29:59

Well, I was really worried about HIV. This is pre prep. I was so so mad at myself for fucking this guy without a condom. And we both bottoms. You know, we were, we were all up in each other’s stuff, you know, and there was nothing we didn’t do. It was like, again, unless it sounds fun, but it was kind of a nightmare. It wasn’t.

K Anderson  30:23

And so was your penis or chafed afterwards, as well?

Dave Quantic  30:29

You know, it probably was.

K Anderson  30:33

I know, that’s not the thing to be focusing on, but like, our skin tones are quite similar. So I’m assuming you have sensitive skin like mine. And that’s a real problem if you fuck too much. Sure. Um, so Oh, yeah. So the thoughts about the days afterwards, what made you make that call or make that inquiry or get pluck up the courage because it requires so much courage to start seeing a therapist.

Dave Quantic  31:04

I had done a little bit of therapy in New York when I lived there, and a little bit in undergrad when I was going to school in Dallas. And it did help. And I knew that if I sought out somebody who I could really count on and see for an extended amount of time that that would be a benefit. And it would be something that would help me sort of survive. That difficult time in my life in LA, LA is not the easiest place to live in. There’s a lot of like, comparing yourself to others, both physically and professionally. And personally, you know, there’s a lot of people who are very extroverted about how great they’re doing, you know, so there’s a lot of insecurity that’s built up, at least it was for me. So having a therapist really helped me sort of talk through that those difficult times, and basically saved me from from becoming a la casualty. I love therapy, I highly recommend it to anyone, especially queer people who are in sort of a transition part of their lives. It’s something that we can all really benefit from, by looking at ourselves and trying to improve ourselves.

K Anderson  32:26

I really don’t trust extroverts.

Dave Quantic  32:30

Yeah, I know, there’s so many in LA, that that wants so much to tell you how fabulous they are all the time. And it’s just like, you know, down. Yeah, I look down.

K Anderson  32:42

There’s a really interesting saying that I’m about to butcher. And it’s something like, never trust someone who’s charming. And I always remember that, yeah, someone’s someone’s really nice and like, gregarious, I’m like, No,

Dave Quantic  33:00

I like the nerds. I like people who are shy, I like to pull them out of their shell. And I like people who are a little bit off of the mainstream going to spike, actually, there was sort of that, that illusion that you were sort of like in the alternate scene of LA. So in that sense, it was a good space to be in because you didn’t have a lot of the necessary elements that you had to adhere to in the other more mainstream spaces. So I kind of wanted it to be a safe space. And it ended up not being great because of that drug interaction, which is why I want to talk about the other dive bar in LA. Just because I didn’t want to give the impression that I thought all dive bars were drug dens which they’re not I love a good dive bar. And the other one that I wanted to talk about was also sort of an after hours bar called cuffs, which was on Hyperion Avenue. In the in the very centre of sort of the, the cool, more alternative part of LA called Silver Lake, which is much more my my thing, I eventually moved closer to that neighbourhood and definitely started to find my, my, my crowd, my my support group and cops was kind of near a friend’s place. So we would often go there after the bars. And again, it was very dark, very sleazy in a good way. But one of my favourite parts to it was that it definitely had the feeling that it had been there since the 70s or 80s. And it definitely was like sort of built for sex in that. At the perimeter of sort of the large drinking space, there was a platform with a railing where people could go up onto the platform and sort of drink and look out over the main floor. And at some point, I realised that the platform was exactly the right height so that if somebody below was standing, they would be face level with most pupils crutches who were standing on the platform. So it was like the optimum hype to get, like, a blowjob in the bar.

K Anderson  35:17

And so was it designed with that in mind? Or was it a happy accident?

Dave Quantic  35:21

No, I think it was designed for that in mind, which I thought was really hilarious.

K Anderson  35:25

And so was it actually a sex venue?

Dave Quantic  35:30

Or it wasn’t necessarily a sex space, but I think people would get blowjobs now and then, you know, which I which I love. I think it’s really funny when when guys get frisky in public and you know, a blowjob is pretty low. I don’t know. It’s low profile, it can be done discreetly,

K Anderson  35:49

Kevin, it can Yeah.

Dave Quantic  35:52

Especially if somebody is like up on a platform in their dick is just right right there for you to like unzip. I didn’t I never partook. But I’m sure other people did. Which is

K Anderson  36:02

like, how do you do that discreetly. So if you’re like on the ground level, you and you’re, you know, you’ve unzipped the package, and it’s like, plopped out from the trousers, or, you know, whatever the person’s wearing. Yeah. How do you suck someone off without drawing attention to yourself?

Dave Quantic  36:21

Well, if it’s really dark, and really crowded, then you can do it without a lot of people looking at you.

K Anderson  36:32

Is that when they get covered in some sticky substance?

Dave Quantic  36:37

Well, they they’re gonna have to swallow I guess. There’s really not a choice.

K Anderson  36:43

I’m not sure about.

Dave Quantic  36:45

Oh, and the other fun addition to this space was that there was always this one guy there who was kind of like a leather daddy. And he would always have like, a wooden paddle with him with like, holes born into it. And people would call him the principal. And he would come around and he would slap people’s asses with with a wooden paddle. And he was always always there. It was like his his thing. Oh, I

K Anderson  37:14

love the people that are always there. Propping up? Yeah. Did you ever get paddled?

Dave Quantic  37:19

You know, I managed to never do it. But pretty much all of my friends got paddled at some point, because that was a sort of a rite of passage. You know. I love them. I love you know, people like that who are so into their kink. That they just sort of do it all the time.

K Anderson  37:37

I see. I don’t understand how someone can be so into a kink that that’s all they ever do. Like, don’t you get bored?

Dave Quantic  37:46

Yeah, I mean, I guess that it’s so they’re on switch that that’s all they need? You know, I wish I had that clarity. I really do. Wish I had that one thing.

K Anderson  37:58

And that’s a good point. Actually. I wish there was that thing that that pushed my button every single time because then I just felt like yeah, I’m all in. And then, you know, you could justify investing lots of money in toys. Yes. Because I’m always like, Oh, maybe I’m into this. And then I buy a toy or something. And then I never use it. And then it’s just under my bed just in a bag collecting dust.

Dave Quantic  38:24

Good point. Yeah,

K Anderson  38:25

I need to figure out what my kink is. I’m surely there’s an online quiz for this.

Dave Quantic  38:29

Oh, yeah,

K Anderson  38:30

I bet there is. I wonder how scientific it is. Okay. Well, anyway, I will find out and I’ll get back

Dave Quantic  38:36

to you. Yeah,

K Anderson  38:37

let us all know. I hope it’s something cheap.

Dave Quantic  38:39

Yeah. Leather does tend to really be expensive.

K Anderson  38:44

And also, you know, the dead animals. That’s kind of a drawback as well. Mm hmm. Yeah. True. And rubber. I know. I’d like that don’t put it on properly. But every time I put rubber on, like, it hurts to take off when you have body here

Dave Quantic  38:59

and right. And if you sweat in it, it’s like,

K Anderson  39:03

I just like I sweat when I’m just sitting. So yeah. Maybe it’s like sitting on cakes or something. I’ve never tried it, but maybe it’s fun.

Dave Quantic  39:15

That the kink of sitting on cakes. Yeah.

K Anderson  39:16

Well, balloons, oh,

Dave Quantic  39:20

that’s pretty cost effective, too. So maybe you should try that.

K Anderson  39:24

I mean, the environmental impact isn’t great. But yeah, it’s to say I mean, I you know, I can compromise. Sorry, this is not the space for me to explore what my potential kinks could be. But we

Dave Quantic  39:36

knew the conversation would go there. It always does with me. I have a way of bringing up these things and people.

K Anderson  39:44

Yeah, and to be honest, this entire podcast is just me wanting to find out what my kink is. So it’s just years and years of research.

Dave Quantic  39:51

That’s kind of why I wanted to be on your podcast because I knew the conversation would go into you could help me succeed. I want to help you I think everyone should discover their king, whatever your kink is just like really boring Normcore that that can be hot.

K Anderson  40:07

Whatever your kink is, like, watching, watching old episodes of EastEnders

Dave Quantic  40:14

if it were would that be yours? Maybe? No,

K Anderson  40:16

not really. I can’t think of any TV show that would give me a Stiffy.

Dave Quantic  40:23

One thing I’ve learned through my part is is by talking with people is that we are always in a constant state of evolution and change. Like what was fun yesterday might not be your thing today. And you might be interested in something tomorrow that you never ever thought that you would be into.

K Anderson  40:42

Unless you are the man at cuffs who carries a paddle around and people every day.

Dave Quantic  40:49

That’s a good point. He definitely had his profile, figured out he was

K Anderson  40:54

in his lane, he was not getting out of that loan. That it it so took you off completely. You were talking about cuffs, you were talking about your experiences at cuffs, thinking back to your life at that time. Looking back on on a young Dave, what do you think having access to those venues meant to you?

Dave Quantic  41:21

Definitely, they were spaces where I felt welcome, in that there wasn’t a lot of emphasis placed on what you were wearing, or what your body looked like. Because they were so dark, it sort of didn’t matter. I really dislike pretentious spaces, and people and food, those kinds of things drive me crazy. I don’t like when people are overly snooty, snooty and fancified. You know, fancified I like that word, there’s a certain relaxation to going into a dive bar because he there’s a very low bar, you know, for the people and they experience and if you I think that that kind of freedom makes you relax more and it makes you be more of yourself and you’re more likely to meet people where they are and where you are. And there’s a certain amount of clarity to that and, and a piece to that because you can be yourself. You know, and I love dive bars for that, that reason alone.

K Anderson  42:37

Do you have any memories of spike or coughs or clubbing from your own cuisine that you want to share? Well, if you do, I would love to hear from you. I want to create the biggest online record of people’s memories and stories of queer clubbing, go to LA spaces podcast.com and find the section share a lost space and tell me all about what you got up to. You can also reach out to me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter where my handle across all platforms is lost spaces of pod. Find out more about the freebo podcast by listening to it on your platform of choice or visiting the website fruitball podcast.com or following Dave on Twitter or Instagram and I will make sure that the links are included in the show notes for this programme. La spaces is not only about God’s about a concept record as well. I have been writing songs about queer venues and people who used to live their lives there and we’ll be releasing songs over the coming year. You can hear the first single which is called well groomed boys and is playing underneath my talking right this very second on all good streaming platforms. If you enjoyed this episode, I would really appreciate if you subscribed, left a review on your podcast platform or just told people who you think might be interested in giving it a little listen to I am K Anderson and you have been listening to lost spaces